Family crises can be overcome with God’s help

(part 4 of 5 articles on "Family Life")
by Barrett Vanlandingham
June 17, 2014

            I really haven’t met anyone who hasn’t had some sort of family crisis.  Sometimes it’s your fault, sometimes another person’s fault, and sometimes things just happen. Financial problems, death, divorce, conflict.  It’s just part of life in a broken world.  The question is not really “Will I experience a crisis?”  But rather, “What kind of crises will I experience in my life, and how will I get through the hard times?”

            In 2 Kings 11-12 we’re told about a baby boy named Joash whose father was the wicked king Ahaziah.  In fact, the king was so wicked he was killed after only a year on the throne.  Then, in a successful takeover attempt to become the ruling queen of the land for the next six years, Ahaziah’s mother, Athaliah, began to have the rest of the royal family killed.  She succeeded with one exception, baby Joash’s aunt hid him away until he was seven years old.  Long story short?  The people thought Queen Athaliah was too much of a tyrant, so the seven year old Joash was revealed as the rightful heir to the throne.   

            At first, it would appear that Joash had the cards stacked against him.  The hand he was dealt in life meant he lived his first seven years in hiding as a fugitive from his power hungry murderous grandmother who would have killed Joash had she known of his existence.

            The fact that Joash became king at such an early age was another problem.  But he accepted the challenge.  That’s one of the great things about youth, isn’t it?  The word “can’t” is not really in your vocabulary.  And in Joash’s case, he had the support of the people who had been through all of the evil leadership they could stomach.  But still, how did he do it?  2 Kings 12:2 says, “Joash did what was right in the eyes of the Lord all the years Jehoiada the priest instructed him.”   Joash reigned in Jerusalem for the next forty years with help from his Godly mentor Jehoiada the priest.  Stories like these must have been on the apostle Paul’s mind when he instructed young Timothy to not let his youth stand in the way of his calling as a minister of the Gospel (1 Timothy 4:12).

            Sometimes, the crises of life can seem more than a little overwhelming no matter if we are young, old, or in between.  It is important for us to remember to pray to God with the right motives (James 4:3).  But we must keep in mind that God has a plan.  And whether you find yourself in pleasant circumstances or challenging ones, God can help you work through it all.  We Christians must learn to live up to our name.  As followers of Christ, we must have faith and confidence that God goes with us into every spiritual battle.  There is no spiritual challenge that God has not helped His believers defeat in the past.  The same promise of God’s devotion to us holds true in the present and future.   Have a blessed week!

Family infighting is no way to live

(part 3 of 5 articles on "Family Life")
by Barrett Vanlandingham
June 10, 2014 

            Highly rated television shows dealing with family conflict are not hard to find.  Dramatic series, situation comedies, and reality shows ranging from 19 Kids and Counting, Duck Dynasty, and Dance Moms, to some of the classics you may remember such as Dallas, Mama’s Family, The Cosby Show, and I Love Lucy.  They’re popular because people can relate in one way or another.  

            The blame game has been around since the beginning.  Adam tried to blame God for his disobedience in the Garden of Eden.  “The woman you put here with me-she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it (Genesis 3:12).”   Next was Cain who killed his brother, Abel, basically out of jealous anger that arose when God accepted Abel’s animal sacrifice but not Cain’s sacrifice of vegetation or “fruits of the soil”.

            Genesis 37:2-8 gives the scenario of how Joseph’s brothers became angry and hated him.  As the story goes, Joseph checked on his brothers who were tending the flocks, and then gave “a bad report about them” to their father, Jacob.  Their feelings about Joseph worsened after Jacob presented the favorite son with an “ornate” robe.  Then, as if tensions weren’t high enough, Joseph told his brothers about his dreams, foretelling that they would someday bow down to him.  They were so angry they attempted to murder him, but then decided to just sell him into slavery.  But Joseph eventually managed to become the Governor of Egypt who would save much of the known world from starvation, including his brothers.  And yes, they bowed to him.

            In Joseph’s family conflict, as in most, problems arose because of three things: 
1) Their values were different.  Evidently, Joseph’s idea of satisfactory work was not the same as his brothers.  On a practical aside, this is exactly why Christians are to be of one heart and mind like Paul urged of the early church (Acts 4:32).  This could actually be achieved in God’s family today if all Christians allowed God’s word to speak for itself.  Like values are the basis for any good relationship as Paul mentioned in 2 Corinthians 6:14 when he urged the Corinthian Christians to not be yoked together with unbelievers.  It is necessary for our closest allies to be on the same page spiritually in order to help each other in our Christian journeys.
2) Jacob’s favoritism of Joseph added fuel to the fire of conflict.  The same happens today when parents express more love for one child than another.  It is only natural to like the behavior of a sweet child more than the behavior of the child who is disrespectful.  But it is important for parents to show love for our children equally even though we don’t always like their attitudes equally.  Your consistency in Christian parenting will pay off with a child who honors God.

3)  Inflated egos are never a good thing in keeping family peace.  Even though Joseph’s brothers may have been loafing on the job, and even though Jacob let it be known that he loved one son more than the others, Joseph did not have to flaunt his favored status.  There was no reason for him to tell his brothers about his dream in which their sheaves of grain bowed down to his.  Things are sometimes better left unsaid for the sake of peace unless your silence puts a family member in danger spiritually or physically.  Have a blessed week!

Respect is an important part of family life (part 2 of 5 articles on "Family Life"

 by Barrett Vanlandingham
June 3, 2014

            I’ve actually had parents tell me, “I love my children, but honestly, I just don’t like them these days!”   There is almost nothing more frustrating as a parent than to feel you’re not being respected by your children.  I’m sure my parents probably felt the same way when I was a child, as parents have for generations.   It’s just part of the process of kids discovering their boundaries, becoming their own person, and taking responsibility for their own actions. 

            So, in part 2 of my series “Family Life”, I will take a look at the benefits of respect within the family unit.

            Showing respect to all family members is important, not only to help keep things running smoothly on a day to day basis.  But there are other rewards, too, especially when it comes to respect between parents and children.   The Bible speaks to this issue.

            Solomon made a lot of mistakes in his quest for wisdom.  But when all was said and done, he wrote down things he learned which are still of great value for today’s families who are wise enough to apply the lessons he learned so long ago.

            In Proverbs 1:8-9 Solomon says, “Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.  They are a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.” 

            Most people already know this but I’m going to say it anyway. Children feel more secure when they have boundaries in their lives.  Children who live with little accountability actually admire families in which the parents and children have close relationships.  Those bonds are cemented by mutual respect when children know their parents love and care enough about them to enforce reasonable boundaries.  And when a parent feels that a child appreciates their instruction, the parent/child relationship grows.  So parents, please never feel like you’re the bad guy when you enforce household rules.  Your children respect you for it, even though they don’t want you to know it.

            In a letter to the church at Ephesus, Paul made a reference to commandment number 5 of the 10 Commandments.  He said, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor you father and mother-which is the first commandment with a promise-so it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth (Eph. 6:1-3).”  

            We would all do well to show respect for the advice and experiences of our parents and others who have journeyed this life ahead of us.  In some cases, respect means following their lead, and in other cases, learning from their mistakes.  Have a great week!

Family unity is strengthened with God as the common bond

by Barrett Vanlandingham

May 27, 2014

            TV parents can be funny, helpless, crude, near perfect, or just about any other way a show’s producer wants to portray them.  The Bible shows parents in many different lights, too. 

            In this week’s Fort Faith column, I am beginning a five part series on family life.  In part one, I am going to take a look at what the Bible has to say about parents and their responsibilities.

            For starters, parents are supposed to teach their children about the kind of behavior God expects them to practice.  The wisest man who ever lived has a famous quote on this topic.  It comes from Proverbs 22:6.  Solomon says, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” 

            This may be a general statement.  But I happen to believe it is true, even if it takes more than a few years to reach the desired outcome.  I know of one man who rebelled against his parents from the time he was a child until he himself was in his sixties!  Eventually he came to realize his parents really did know best when they were basing life lessons from the Bible. When things work as they should, the family unit is to be the main source of learning for children.  Parents are supposed to make sure of that, even though a child can often, at least for a time, live as if he or she learned nothing from them. Moses wrote that parents are to take advantage of daily opportunities to teach life lessons by weaving God’s commands into everyday tasks and conversations (Deuteronomy 6:4-9)

            It is also important for parents to correct their children in the way God intended when they get off track.  After all, the media and other influences in our society certainly show no hesitation when forcefully targeting and teaching our children to live by cultural norms that are opposite God’s will for His people. When a parent spends time with a child, they grow to understand each other.  And even if a child disagrees with a parent’s decision, they will respect the parent who uses Godly advice.  Maybe not immediately, but they’ll come around.

            And finally, parents are supposed to nurture their children, and make them feel loved and supported, not bitter or discouraged (Colossians 3:21).  This does not mean a parent has to be a pushover.  It simply means the parent should imitate the love of Jesus. Be willing to listen, and teach them Godly traits through word and example.  One more thing, parents should always pray to God about the decisions they make for their family.

            By the way, this series of family articles and advice is aimed at me and my parenting skills as much as anyone.  Have a great week!

Graduating seniors can have confidence in Jesus

by Barrett Vanlandingham
May 20, 2014

            For me and many other parents who have sons or daughters graduating high school this month, it is a very emotional and exciting time.  I wrote this poem May 9 to encourage our young people to take God with them wherever they go.  It’s called “Graduation to Life”.

            There will be times when your mind plays tricks on you, and you think you cannot succeed.  Just remember that’s only the devil talking to fulfill his needs, he plants seeds of doubt and failure.

            You see, satan has already blown his deal, to live in God’s presence, with the redeemed, those marked with the Holy Spirit’s seal.

            The devil can no longer hurt Christ Jesus, he ceases to be a threat to our Savior.  Tho our God still hurts for us when we labor, and toil to overcome the demons’ bets, that we will give-in, and swim-in to the deceiver’s nets.

            Graduating seniors, know this. The forces of darkness do in fact exist. But light and righteousness persist and insist that victory can always be yours, whether you are red, yellow, black, white, rich or poor.

            It doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past. Jesus gives hope to all, from first to last.

It doesn’t matter whether your parents were good or bad, happy or sad, whether they raised you to honor God, or to worship the world’s trends and fads.

            It’s now up to you, no one else, to blaze your own trail, to succeed or fail, to live in freedom without pressure from peers or fears that you’re not living up to someone else’s expectations in the hallway, the locker room, the class room, or even the congregation.

            It’s now between you and your Creator, the Great I Am, the Great Illuminator. So spread your wings and soar with the wind. Obey Him.  Give Yahweh the glory in all things. He will save you in the end.

            We will all kneel before Him and confess “Jesus Is Lord”, amen? No time to be bored because that day is coming.  Will it be a day of joy of the assembling and celebration, or trembling that the Lord’s deliberation will find you un-prepared to meet the Only One who ever paid the price for our worldly saturation?

            Seniors, this is the end, and the beginning. Your day is here.  A chance to start over is near.  Choose wisely.

            Have a blessed week!  Also, I would like to ask each of you reading this to offer a prayer today for all of our children as they graduate and take-on this new level of life.  May they always trust and obey God (Proverbs 3:5-6).