by Barrett Vanlandingham
May 12, 2019
This is an exciting time of year for high school graduates,
but for parents of those graduates, emotions are all over the map.
It would be strange to wish for our children to just stay
in high school and live under our roofs the rest of their lives. But we are
also scared to turn them loose into the real world where we cannot protect
them. The fact is, we were never fully in control of our kids any more than our
parents were fully in control of us. Yes, there will be consequences ahead for
bad decisions. But as much as we would like for our kids to do everything
right, it is those momentary lapses in judgment that help young people gain
maturity and perspective. As parents, we can only hope and pray our children do
not go to the lengths Solomon did in order to gain wisdom. Although the messes
he got into because of his life choices certainly made him wise, I would not
advise that route.
I admit it, I am a worrier when it comes to the
well-being of my kids. I devise all kinds of plans in my head to try and make
sure they stay out of danger (yeah, right). But the more I think about it, the
more I realize I can only do so much. They have to learn the rest on their own.
We all warn our children about everything from taxes and credit issues to
distracted driving and staying alert in dangerous life situations. Good advice
helps, but unless our kids choose to live in a bubble, stuff happens, sometimes
for no apparent reason, and sometimes from bad decisions by them or someone
else. We all have free will, and sometimes other people’s free will impacts our
well-being.
When I left the house for
the first time, my parents chose to let me make my own choices (and mistakes) about
pretty much everything. They were really good listeners when I blabbered on
about my plans for success in the working world. They supported me in whatever project,
hobby, or career I was passionate about. And they showed compassion when things
didn’t go so well. The only time I remember them having strong opinions is if
they thought my decision-making seriously threatened my spiritual destiny. That
would be when my phone would ring. And although I may have felt those phone calls
cramped my style a little, deep down I knew they only wanted what was best for
me. I was happy about that.
As parents of adult kids, Lisa
and I still pray for them every single day. The fact that I pray is in itself a
good daily reminder that I am not in control of anything. But it also brings me
peace in knowing I have presented my requests to our Creator and Sustainer to do
with has He sees fit.
Have a great day!